He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
