So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
