Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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