Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
