he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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