made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
