No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
