He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
