Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
