Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
