She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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