just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
