They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploringâ€
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
