genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
