i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
