my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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