Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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