I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
