just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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