I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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