Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
