Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize