I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
