Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
