you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
