I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
