saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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