a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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