My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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