Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize