Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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