I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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