So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
