Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
