Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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