U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
