The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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