omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
high people should be assigned attendants
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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