Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
