On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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