felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
