Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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