I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize