So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
