If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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