i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
