haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
