i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
