We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
