i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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