I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
