Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize