Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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