i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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