Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
