so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
