dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
