kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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