We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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